Four Paths to Forgiveness
Let’s sort out the different reasons to forgive. There might be some more, but these are the four I find helpful:
- My health – I forgive because it’s good for my mental and bodily health.
- Our moral – I forgive because it’s a moral virtue in my society.
- The truth – I forgive because I understand the underlying structures.
- The unconditional perspective – From the view of the timeless Now, there is nothing to forgive.
Forgiving Due to Health or Moral Reasons
When we forgive because it’s good for our health or a moral virtue, we decide whether we want to forgive, or not. And if we do, we still believe something wrong happened. Our opinion doesn’t change; only our relation to it does. We take responsibility for our lives and relations and support a forgiving society. We let go of the resentment and grudge that have been draining us of energy.
The downside of these personal and active types of forgiveness is that it’s easy to feel superior and continue to entertain grievances: ‘I forgive, but …’. And the ones you forgive continue to be seen as wrongdoers.
This is also true when we are the ones asking for forgiveness; even if we are forgiven, we still did something wrong. The guilt and shame may be easier to carry, but they’re still there.
Forgiveness Due to Understanding and Changing Perspective
When we forgive because we understand why something happened, we change our perspective, and forgiveness just arises. There is nothing to forgive anymore. Our new perspective dissolves the issue, and we can all move forward. We form new stories and change our collective mindset. This is the most potent type of forgiveness.
During my twenty years of Aikido practice, this was one of my main takeaways. Aikido can be seen as a conflict resolution tool. I get attacked, I change perspective so I face the same way as the attacker, blend with the attacker’s force, get to know it, move with it, into stillness, forgiveness. Open heart, smiling.
History, archaeology, physics, biology, ecology, sociology, and psychology all help us understand our past and why things are the way they are. Knowledge about the past can, of course, also piss us off and become the foundation for more grievances. It all depends on our interpretations of the facts. If we judge the past through our present-day morals and knowledge, we have only half the understanding. We know what happened, but not the mindset of the past. To fully understand and forgive, we must also understand the underlying forces. How would I have acted if I were part of that and had the values of that place and time?
On the other hand, if we apply deep understanding to the present, it can quickly become an amoral stand; anything goes. We can understand even the most outrageous actions by examining the perpetrator’s past and by identifying biological or sociological factors. It’s complex.
Unconditional Forgiveness
The fourth path to forgiveness is to switch into the unconditional perspective outside time. This brings radical forgiveness because there is no past or future. Everything is as it is Now. We will explore this perspective further in later chapters. It’s an essential part of the Wider Embraces method, but for now, we look at it in the context of forgiveness.
When we forgive because we look from the unconditional perspective, the issue of forgiveness dissolves altogether. It just happens. There is nothing to forgive. This perspective is a refuge, a place for our hearts to rest at peace. It’s also a place where new and unexpected perspectives may arise. When we return to the flow of time, we can bring our taste from this perspective with us and let it soften our judgment.
From the view as an Embrace, forgiveness is not possible, because there is nothing to forgive. Forgiveness needs separation and judgment about the past.
Forgiveness through understanding is a recognition.
An instant letting go.
Unconditional forgiveness is not even a recognition.
Nothing to let go of.